New Writers Page
Anna Michelle Page
“Dialogue is one way to nail character.” Anne Lamott
Susan set this unnamed story in Los Angeles, where special agents are assigned to exterminate the living, sacrificing their lives for the good of mankind.
After reading this story, it isn’t the grammar issues, diction problems or pacing that drew my attention. This story has no active protagonist.
At four o'clock a white mail truck with the words 'U.S. Postal Service' painted across the sides of the vehicle pulled up at the loading dock of the Federal Building. It was time for the usual pick-up of special mail that was air lifted every day to European cities, various locations in South America, Africa, Washington, DC.
The driver took time to look around. Several people dressed in post office blue uniforms were headed for the parking lot. A new shift meant that the people would still be in the process of settling in. Saying hello. Checking in on computers. Hanging in the johns as long as possible to avoid going to work any quicker than necessary. Post office workers were almost as masterful at avoiding work as welfare recipients.
Snorting under his breath Eric Blodgett turned the lights out on his Jeep Cherokee and proceeded cautiously down the road toward the parking lot at the Mount Wilson observatory. The January evening was cold. A stiff wind blew through the coniferous boughs assaulting and rocking the Jeep. The crisp air crackled with the soft sounds of newly fallen snow. Blodgett felt a chill creep up his spine and spread across his shoulders. The chill he felt had nothing to do with the snow and the cold wind that kept the flakes whirling in front of the Jeep.
He had a strong visceral feeling that his actions in the next few minutes would change history. Thinking about the coming hours, weeks, months ahead he slowly shook his head. He knew that he and the members of the team creeping through the city of Los Angeles might not live to know the ultimate outcome. To share, even vicariously, a part of that history. The awesome responsibility of this assignment had catapulted him into a nightmare of intrigue and intense planning with men, equal to himself in talent and intelligence, made desperate by the way they lived their lives. His waking hours for the past six months had been spent pouring over maps, talking to people who knew Los Angeles well, and planning in detail each action and possible reaction the team would take. Nights were spent in pseudo-sleep as his subconscious reviewed and revised each step.
The mission could have been aborted at any stage. Hell, it was still probable! So far it had been a "go." Each member of the National Security Task Force operation 'Lone Ranger' had committed to memory details of the city directly related to their assignment. The probability was that each agent could be trapped. Trapped by fire. Trapped by falling debris. Broken gas lines wafting toxic fumes through the cavernous streets and alleys pooling in the lowest areas. Explosions. Snapped electric wires crackling as they whipped in the breeze.
"Jesus... God. What am I doing here?" Thoughts exploded in Blodgett's mind and took expression in prayer.
I choose the above piece because it expressed Blodgett’s raw emotions as he faced dying as either a hero or turning into the contemporary ‘Hitler.’ I imagined his mind scrambling to find a way out while battling his determination to complete the mission, which brings me to today’s topic.
All characters must appear authentic to the reader.
Susan has a splendid start to what may develop into a riveting story of intrigue as it questions societal ethics, yet it needs the characterization of human suffering for the dying.
I contrast this story to Kurt Russell’s movie, Escape from L.A. As Kurt’s character, Snake Plissken, enters the state of Los Angeles, the reader learns the characters inside have ambition, greed and desires, human attributes despite their crimes. Had Plissken entered a world where the characters had no other impulse than to kill, this movie would have been a dull action flick that left the viewer feeling cheated.
Movie goers and readers alike want to get-to-know characters like the Escape from L.A.’s swindler, Map to the Stars Eddie, Utopia who is seduced by a madman and Cuervo Jones, who believes ‘insane’ is the point of good entertainment.
Susan does an excellent job in drawing us into Blodgett’s personal life, his belief system that prompts him to sacrifice himself for the good of mankind, and the unceasing violence Los Angeles cops must face, while revealing nothing regarding the lives of the condemned. A brilliant story draws the reader in when they experience both the good and the bad, the innocent and the manipulator, the victim and the tormentor.
If hate is the antagonists drive, hate is rarely their sole motivator. Even Manson influenced those closest to him with reasons behind his motivations. If you told Manson’s story, you would not begin and end with his arrest. What motivated him? Who were the people that surrounded him? Who was Sharon Tate, and why did Manson want her dead? Does Manson have children? Were his offspring born evil? Do they deserve to die because Manson is their father?
Allow the reader to walk inside the crime ridden society to meet the perpetrator in his/her own home, look into the eyes of their children, their spouse, grandparent, sister or brother. Let the reader choose whether they root for the protagonist or the antagonist. Our choices seldom come from the protagonist or antagonist alone, but are largely influenced by those around the primary characters.
If you are struggling with developing characters, I recommend you read Character Development: How to Write Great Characters at: https://self-publishingschool.com/character-development/
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